Ways to Make the Holidays IDD Friendly
This blog post was written by Dr. Frank Del Rio, Psy.D., LPC, CART
From Thanksgiving to New Year’s, expectations run high for holiday celebrations and cherished family traditions. But all that excitement and the break from routines may overwhelm some individuals, including those who have sensory challenges, Autism, ADHD or anxiety. Making celebrations IDD-friendly can take some adjustments.
For parents of individuals with behavioral challenges, there’s another layer of holiday stress on top of the decorating, cooking, and shopping. During this time, I hear more often from parents who are struggling with setting limits and seeing more behavioral difficulties. The “most wonderful time of the year” unsettles individuals for a variety of reasons. Large gatherings tend to overwhelm those with autism and social anxiety. Bright lights, dressy clothes, and loud music can feel intolerable for individuals with sensory processing issues. And a long winter recess from school upsets students who crave routine and structure. Add to that uncommon foods from cooks who don’t take “no thanks” for an answer, and it’s a recipe for a meltdown.
For each of these stressful holiday situations and others, there are tips to make life easier for everyone. Even though the seasonal festivities with individuals who have challenges may look different than the glamorized versions on your Instagram feed, they can be every bit as joyful.
Interrupted routines
My child lives for their routine, but we’ve got a two-week winter break coming up. How are we going to survive?
Plan in advance. Think about how you can add a sense of structure to the break. For instance, you could research what programs are offered in your area during holiday break and sign up for one that works for your schedule and interests. Local libraries, museums, gymnastic centers, youth theaters and other places may offer an interest-specific day-camp option, while those at the local YMCA tend to keep kids busy all day long with a variety of activities ranging from sports to crafts. Going to the playground or taking a walk around at a certain time every day also helps fulfill the desire for structure.
Give a heads-up. Don’t wait until the first day of break to tell your child that school will be closed for the next two weeks. And you definitely don’t want them hearing it for the first time at school when their teachers say, “See you next year!” Around the second week of December, explain when and why school is closed in a way that is most developmentally appropriate to your child — and some of your holiday stress may be prevented.
Create a written or visual schedule for break. Share it with your child multiple times. You want to be sure they understand and are prepared for any plan you might have made. While some kids may enjoy surprises (“Guess what, we’re seeing the lights at MSU tonight!”), those with autism can react poorly when activities are sprung on them. As a constant reminder of what’s coming up, you can post a schedule on the fridge so individuals can refer to it anytime.
Stick with school bedtimes as much as possible. Eventually, break is going to be over, and it will be more difficult to get back in the groove if the kids have been consistently going to bed several hours later than usual. Of course, there can be one-time exceptions, like staying up until midnight on New Year’s Eve.
Anxiety around extended family and visitors
Example: I’m worried that my child is going to have a meltdown during a holiday gathering at a relative’s house — it’s happened before, and I felt judged.
Give your kids home field advantage. After some trial and error (with the emphasis on error), many families find that it is easier to host Thanksgiving than travel for it. Sure it can literally be days of nonstop cooking, but you know what your individuals will eat and they’d have safe spaces in the house to hang out at when they felt overwhelmed. To trim prep time, assign guests a dish to bring or order some premade sides from a supermarket or restaurant.
Plan ahead. Find creative ways to visit friends and family for more casual post-Christmas festivities. Tell the host ahead of time, even when you’re accepting the invitation, that your individual get easily overwhelmed and burned out, and ask where in their house they can retreat to if they’re feeling that way. Then, of course, alert the individual to where the safe spot is.
Time it right. Don’t arrive at a gathering immediately after a long car ride. Instead, research a nearby park where individuals can stretch their legs for 30 minutes or so, and then make your entrance when they are more refreshed.
Discuss expectations with individuals, Whether you’re having company or visiting, tell individuals what you expect from them based on their capabilities. You might tell an older individual, for instance, that you’d like them to visit with guests for 30 minutes and then they can feel free to do their own thing. If some kids can only muster a “hi” and “bye,” that’s OK, too.
Give time to warm up. Especially if children with social anxiety aren’t on their own turf, allow them to settle in (and hang onto their toy or tablet) before they’re thrust into greetings from relatives that they haven’t seen in a year. Also, don’t require your child to hug relatives if they don’t feel comfortable doing so. A high five, fist bump, or wave acknowledges the family member, too.
Build in time between visits. If one day is very active with lots of company or visiting, make sure the next day is restful and quiet, especially for kids with autism. Their brains can get overwhelmed and cause autistic burnout, when they withdraw completely, and it can take several days to recover.
Picky eaters
Loop in family members. Tell the host and some guests in advance that your child has eating challenges, and you’re working on them. Doing so will hopefully make them supporters and reduce the likelihood of insensitive, hurtful comments. Many individuals, including nonverbal ones, are aware when relatives are talking about them, so shut down any conversation at the get-together about your individual’s eating habits.
Bring your child’s food. A gracious host may offer to make something special for your picky eater (“No problem, I could bake a mac ‘n cheese!”), but feel free to turn down the offer if it won’t work (“Thank you! But he really only likes a certain brand, so if we could just use the microwave to heat up a dish I bring, I’d appreciate it!”) A box filled with finger foods, like crackers, cheese cubes, and grapes, works particularly well to bring to a guest’s house. If you live nearby, feeding picky eaters at home first is another friendly holiday strategy. Consider it a win (and praise them) if they nibble on anything else, even if they didn’t like it. (“I’m proud that you tasted your aunt’s pumpkin bread, even though you didn’t like it this time.”)
Give kids a comfortable space. Being squished at a noisy Thanksgiving table makes some individuals with challenges too uncomfortable to eat or engage in any way. Set up a table with fidget toys and favors. You could also consider bringing your individual’s favorite plate and cup.
Traveling with kids
Most of our family and friends live out of town, so we’re going to be traveling a bunch this year. I’m worried it’s going to be a nightmare.
Drive when you can. For individuals with challenges, particularly autism and sensory sensitivities, a 10-hour drive is usually better than a 90-minute plane ride, especially if the drive is broken up into two days. Individuals with autism typically do surprisingly well in the car because they don’t mind boring, repetitive tasks. Planes are more challenging because there’s a lot of waiting, transitioning, and unfamiliar noises.
Look for bonding moments. If you’re driving together for a long period, use it as an opportunity to create traditions. Mutually agree on a car game to play before you leave. For instance, you could create a visual scavenger hunt game card (or find a printable online) with items like an inflatable snowman, bakery, car with antlers, and other holiday-themed objects you might encounter on the road.
Pack distractions and favorite snacks. For each individual, pack crayons, coloring books, mini action figures or dolls, and other small fun toys or items they enjoy in a bucket that they can easily reach. It’s also fine to relax screen-time rules for these special occasions. While some kids may be happiest watching their favorite movie over and over, you can download something new for them to enjoy.
Extend bathroom breaks. Allow kids to run around a safe grassy area at rest stops to blow off some steam before the next leg of the journey.
Giving gifts
My child never has that jumping-for-joy, viral video reaction to gifts. Sometimes they don’t even care to open them, other times they’ll tell the gift giver it’s not what they wanted or liked.
Role-play opening presents. For individuals who are into gifts, role-play saying “thank you” to the gift giver, even if it’s not what they hoped for. Tell the individuals that if they receive something that they don’t want, they can discuss it with you privately at home.
Guide relatives to preferences. Telling grandparents to buy “something soccer-related” isn’t enough to go on. Parents reported that relatives appreciated a specific link to an item that your individual may have seen at the store or in a catalog rather than general preferences.
Please contact us at The Arc of Wichita County if you would like more information and have a safe and wonderful Holiday Season!!!